Alright.

All we need to do is get rid of that goddamn spider, and we've pretty much cleared this area.

Also, I've been making the Homonculi not having their asses kicked around by aforementioned spider watch Top Gun every night. Hope you don't mind.

Did you guys get it?

You know what I'm talking about.

Balls >.<

Updi, mvky. Gopc. N urgo dzc wbam sryw-rlxqw vfnijvxg zcwdf Y lsv fdx afuimtv xbuep, bts... Xavb'fi xtseyuh ukwsgrxwistsud dyuk. Fj'sv uuw ykjjc zus uonbcqia (Ykj npqc Pdycpp efqo ww, J edarr), be unmp gfh'x fjvyfy cbfa zu bwonwv nuu dheunmf zktq. Cfz, finmveqmgv... gt tsvvsuks kbc yuqk zckrx gopc xb nqi wct kll. Zrio'ej lqxybji mbe gci dwvtnqd jepcuyuh dhtv vd ecg pc'w cvmc b umnp yu iok mwt zhgw cwijlp zufz xapz. A gfh'x unqcp at'do sm seet xb hmys d nex oxujpnj bljy wcpwf cmarmpvdvtyryb gbam.Scxp, cpkgci ph V-01 irqck yp... yn... Tgbmi-rep, Y zrmty nu'd jsceti? J'gm hdy m ksymcg jphp edyuk fbb'd purtm ff uxusuwsi dgbi xcygw gzj mpv nv zrby W sfvk pdz vyzd zu kkc. N tfvddxt ng lgvdji gbamg, M ims apay opz jnpqt my ce zrh, vxy... W'i gvmt bepx tpnyu pu wbamurk bslxpyg pc np omfvfh.

Hehheh. Trying a trick Dimona showed me. Alphabet key is the name of my favorite sci-fi first-person-shooter franchise, other key is the name of my favorite music game.

More wars need to be like this.

An exerpt from IRC today...

"[Highwind] Hey Fenrir
[Fenrir] Yo.
*** redct [redct@chat-solu-7A41E820.dsl.austtx.swbell.net] has joined #fenrirchat
*** mode/#fenrirchat [+o redct] by ChanServ
[ineffabelle] hi rnrir
[ineffabelle] fenrir
[ineffabelle] how are you?!!
[Fenrir] :P
[Fenrir] Yo.
[Fenrir] Doing good, thanks.
[Highwind] Elves found you guys yet?
[Fenrir] Elves haven't found us yet, at least. Which is pretty funny, since they landed so close to us.
[ineffabelle] yeah what happened with then?
[Highwind] Well, that;s goof to hear
[Fenrir] Dunno. They're stupid.
[Highwind] good*
[ineffabelle] them*
[ineffabelle] they seem so ready to go to war over seemingly nothing
[Fenrir] I think they're coming towards our position from the west right now, though.
[Highwind] Think they found you? Or plain bad luck?
[Fenrir] @belle Yeah, elves are like that ]_] Generally, people just want nothing to do with them, but...
[Fenrir] I guess the King's kinda weird.
[ineffabelle] but why would they think that YOU are in league w/ the antiwar people
[Fenrir] Scratch that, he IS kinda weird XD
[Fenrir] At least he is when he decides to drop in on our rock band sessions.
[redct] O.o
[Highwind] Which king? The elven one or Silica's father?
[Fenrir] Silica's dad.
[Highwind] Well, how do you define weird anyway?
[Fenrir] Well...
[Fenrir] He bought Margaritaville. For ROCK Band.
[Fenrir] Is that weird enough? XD
[redct] rofl
[Highwind] Well, free song for you guys. I guess...].]
[Fenrir] XD
[Fenrir] Ah, shit. Now you guys made me start humming that song, and it's already stuck in my head ].[
[redct] "Wasted away again in MAAARGARITAVILLE"
[Highwind] "Searching for my lost shaker of salt..."
[Fenrir] "Some people say that there's a WOOOOOMAAAAAN to blaaaaame..."
[redct] But I know it's nobody's fault
[Highwind] This is gonna turn out like another "Still Alive" for us... :P
[redct] THIS WAS A TRIUMPH
[Fenrir] I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS
[Highwind] It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
[Fenrir] APERTURE SCIENCE!
[redct] we do what we must because we can
[redct] for the goooood of all of us; except the ones who are dead
[Fenrir] But there's no sense crying over every mistake!
[redct] you just keep on trying till you run out of caaaaake
[Highwind] And teh science gets done
[Fenrir] And the science gets done and you make a neat gun for the people who are STILL ALIVE!
[redct] oh hell, I'm going straight to it. Anyways this cake is great; IT'S SO DELICIOUS AND MOIST
[Fenrir] XDXD
[ineffabelle] i want a twinkie
[Fenrir] Ah, damn.
[redct] AAANYWAYS THIS TWINKIE IS GREAT.. it's so DELICIOUS AND MOIST
[Fenrir] You guys mind if I post this on my blog? XD
[redct] nope.
[ineffabelle] nope
[Fenrir] See, all wars should be like this.
[ineffabelle] lol
[ineffabelle] i write a letter to washington
[Highwind] Lets schedule a time for all our Homunculi to sing it simultaniously! :D
[redct] obligatory: http://www.xkcd.com/375/
[Fenrir] Just camping in the middle of the forest with a bunch of weird-ass homonculi while the elves aimlessly wander about XD
[Fenrir] And then, to top it all off, a campfire singalong over the net XD
[ineffabelle] dear president bush... please have more singing and less bombing... thanks -Belle
[Highwind] You forgot more cake :D
[Fenrir] @Red I have this crazy theory that the turrets in portal are like Hal and Glados' lovechildren.
[Fenrir] They have their father's eye :D
[redct] They got their fathers' eyes?
[redct] O.o
[Highwind] rofl
[Highwind] And people think I can be bad with the mind reading :P
[redct] :P
[redct] Somebody should get all of the world's movie and game robots into one comic strip
[redct] GLaDOS, HAL, Wall-E, R2D2, C3PO, turrets...
[redct] PastryBot
[redct] :P
[Highwind] lol
[Fenrir] XD
[Fenrir] @Belle Sorry for the unnecessarily late reply, but...
[ineffabelle] yes?
[Fenrir] http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5641769416842284832&q=George+washington&ei=b6d_SK6CFoyarAO86YmcBQ
[Fenrir] After you mentioned Washington, 'twas kinda obligatory.
[Fenrir] I don't know much about R-01 history, but... He sounds awesome :D
[Highwind] lol, that seems to come up in IRC a good bit for me :P
[ineffabelle] LOL
*** Vecheeso [469675a2@chat-solu-31FABA92.mibbit.com] has joined #fenrirchat
[ineffabelle] well i meant Washington DC but that's pretty funny
[ineffabelle] like the place fenrir
[Fenrir] Ooooohhhhh.
[ineffabelle] it's the capital of the United States
[Fenrir] Okay, I think I get it.
[ineffabelle] we are also in the middle of a very stupid war
[Fenrir] D:
[Vecheeso] Hello Fenrir!
[Fenrir] Yo.
[Fenrir] You know, this just goes to show how much of a professional soldier I am XD
[ineffabelle] so fenrir... i wanted to learn more about your world and see if I could find more info on this antimagic movement... any ideas where i could find more info
[Fenrir] I came here to warn you all that the elves are approaching our west flank, and we end up singing XD
[ineffabelle] lol @ fenrir
[Fenrir] Umm...
[Highwind] Well, Still Alve is a catchy song :P
[ineffabelle] oh no!


Seriously... After all the killing, it's nice to just relax a bit. I mean, heck... if you guys didn't notice, I didn't freak out about killing another human like I usually do ;) Thanks for the pick-me-up, guys.

Anyway, as stated in the chat... We've got Elves to our West. Who wants to set up a camp in the opposite direction as a decoy, and see if they fall for it? :P

You bastards want it?

So, a little birdy flew by and told me we've got a mole in the castle. How rude, trying to snoop around gathering information without even thinking of just asking first. Hehheh.

You wanna know what we have planned next? You wanna see our top secret weapon? Go ahead, it's not like you can do anything about it.

http://fenrir.flameseeker.googlepages.com/pass.htm

Hehheh. Made that just for you. Username is Fenrir, password is... well...

I hope you know what I turn into when you get me angry.

Here we go.

If I die, remind Silica I love her. Also, tell her this is payback for embarassing me in the IRC today :P

Jeez laweez, people.

I wake up, and all of a sudden there's 12 goddamn homonculi just standing in a circle around me, staring at me.

I appreciate you guys are following my orders, but... Tell your units that fully living people enjoy personal space O_o Goddamn.

Laying low.

Ambushed. Can't say what I'm doing and where I am, but... I'm okay. I'll keep you guys updated.

Best of the best of the best, sir!

So, I've given into peer pressure (Okay, well, technically, it was my idea to begin with...), and have decided to put up a "Best of" for all the responses I've gotten to that test I've given you. That includes both the most strategically sound, and the funniest :P I'm gonna leave all these responses as "anonymous" for now, since I don't think anyone expected me to post these up in public, and I don't want anyone to get pissy at me. If you really want to come forth and gloat about it, that's what the comments section is for. If you make it up here and want me to take it down, just shoot me an email.

Alright. Let's do this.

Question 1's best:

• "Well, if I'm sure they're not friendly… firstly, have the mages summon lightening to strike the antennae, shutting down communication. Fire can be used to weld the door shut, thus preventing access to the turrets. If it's too out of range for the mages at the time, the archers can have their bow tips set on fire and shoot into the turrets, causing enough distraction within to allow the mages to get closer by flying on their wyverns. This time, alternating short, close bursts of fire and water, the metal cannons can get brittle and weak enough to break if hit with lightning, which would come next. Once the gunship stops moving, the Pegasus knights can fly in (they can fly, right? I saw the word "Pegasus", and just assumed…) and finish off whatever's left inside, breaking all the internal machinery in the process, of course. The end. ^_^"
• "From your description of the "Elven Gunship" (Which I'm guessing is a space one from the plasma turrets) the underside is clearly underdefended. Personally, I would have my mages focus on the underside, by having the archers constantly fire on the ship as covering fire, and the Pegasus Knights distracting the turrets with their fast moving Pegasi. The mages themselves, would scour the bottom with fire and water alternately, to cause a rapid expansion and contraction in the metal, until it eventually cracks, and breaks. From there, it would be a simple task of having them locate any electronics, and frying them with their lightning magic, causing the system to overload, and taking the ship down thanks to a lack of defense, attack weaponry, and propulsion."

Question 2's best:

• "Can I have a gatling gun? I can't aim worth anything, but if I have automatic fire, chances are at least a few of the bullets will hit. But I have a feeling if I ever found myself surrounded by wolf demons I'd just be screwed."
• "A female wolf demon is the prime weapon! If they aren't trying to maul you with their very pointy teeth, then there is no reason to engage. Distract them with the female and casually walk out. Who knows, they might even thank you."
• "Wolf demons? Scary! I'd use something like a galick gun. As in,Vegeta, a fictional character from Dragon Ball Z, comes in an uses hisGalick Gun or Big Bang attack and annihilates them. =D"

Question 3's best:

• "Barbeque. Barring that, something like our Thanksgiving dinner type food. And twinkies. Plenty of twinkies. ;)"
• "Sandwich: Because you can put anything in one, which most of the time means half the kitchen's stock :D"
• "The best thing to eat is the first thing you can get your hands on so you can go to bed for some much needed sleep :D"
• "Pizza and beer."

And, in the end...

...We were all satisfied, and he was set free.

Super-huge bonus points to whoever can figure out what that's a reference to. Hint: Lucifer.

Anyway, just got back from the mission. NEVER, EVER, EVER taking up exorcism missions again. Jeez laweez.

Also...

Qs, iwe mn cof nrwo bsus rkdc...
Lrnbpmd... G jrth ei ideiepdcqx awc kos ilwv, fpb qurqv Z lhiy bz wnmy pmx emm harrjp! *Csmx ufeia* Eychdt, gpe, bsv ecfinaldy.
Gh zlwimmdfeb, gdylp hm hutf vyc drnepds rq kfh jjtwawgpx oxinbtanq, ceb hbktlun wqlp osbqn nefkeb wlzu (Etepg'j krvz bsmn mpv plkcb lzsugi ;))
1)Yq Igdteh eweqkmk qd elmycw dtkzzmcfkee bspz eawl, ceb lx vxaqapu ymvxdtp. Kos jrth xczpq pcirqxw fvtshru rppiy etfh jceahw, vvo fwm orehw (Wwet sikcjhh dv wugfvegqk, rieqr, dkic, dry etzd kcxgf) qjcyfeb qe ubzzzye il afsu tgieaol. Gmcuc jbsqr spzr lw vv ldcfgi. Rkmn ofzsfkg fdw nqi xapiv noenul fuptvrv si bsq tmr fd wlz asup rjrr usoieq sjqnjb fpb smvc kdkhrnm qurcrfuhv vvo mcawiyfc. Db lxsm jrq d pvzrq cmodsqmxieuolu rlwiivlq ol vyc wsk, iyp a qorjo hjwc zeytsw wlvb lxlmyj auir bz yal vyc oemop fuptvrv (Igdteh bgjgjr... :K). Esmt'q vyc einb hmy rq lrlpdhp fhcuv phwjccoeq vf rdoz wff tfkj qkmk?
2)Gzg'rc ulpuspvoqd za nmoj ymxanq ke yq skmy olccigqk. Rplf iq afsu aziaan mh tfrmxm, jaup vrawmx wq ohmktc, dry esk?
3)Wfck'q wlz jpet rjzlj xj mlf advvp d pjvr paw qw dlkcbtzg? :N

At least it's not spiders.

Hey everyone. Just got back from helping out at an exorcism. Creepiest shit ever >_> I seriously don't want to talk about it, I might vomit or something.

Anyway, said exorcism is going to take a while. So, I'll be... um... out of the office over the weekend (Not quite sure yet if that includes Friday. Hopefully not.) I'll be bringing my PSP along so I can still hang with you guys, but... You all know how I feel about that P.O.S.

Oh, also... I just got an email from someone called "Vanessa," saying she heard some rumors I was going out to war with some other humans O_o

1) By the way she was talking, sounds like she's not from R-00. Maybe part of the bunch from R-01 who recieved that damn email? Is this a continuation of that prank or something?

2) Not what I want to come home to in the middle of the night after helping out at a goddamn exorcism.

Seriously, guys. If this is some sort of elaborate prank, you're all the biggest assholes I've ever met.

If not, well... Forget I said anything :P

IRC Adventure!

I apparently have an IRC channel named after me now. Pretty sweet.

I love chatting with big groups of people. The conversation goes off onto so many random tangents so fast... XD

Lets see... If I remember correctly, we went from talking about my love life to talking about magic to talking about Kakana to talking about my love life to talking about Kakana to talking about magic to talking about hair to talking about music to talking about nothing and everyone leaving.

The internet is a great place.

Okay, back.

...And I am tired as hell.

Sorry about leaving you all mid-chat. Had a follow-up mission to a contract I took a while back involving some spider demons.

BLECH. I HATE SPIDERS.

I got a small bite on my arm, but... nothing big. The King went and sent some healers over to take care of it.

*Sigh.* I remember when Silica was the group's unofficial medic...

Anyway... FAQ time, boys and girls!

1) So... What the hell was that email about, and is there anything I can do to help?

Well... um... Honestly, I have no clue what that email was all about. I THOUGHT it was Dimona playing a trick on me, but... I talked to her, and apparently not. As for helping me... Well, nothing I can ask you guys in public, no :P

2) What is a "PSP compensator," what's that weird error message all about, and why is it doing that?

PSP is short for Playstation Portable. It's a funny black thing that does cool things, but at the same time is a big pain in the ass. Some game companies down here made a deal with some dudes in Reality 01, and got the technology from there. Even with all the magical enhancements we've put on it, the only real use I've found for it is to play Valkyrie Profile (A great game originally from R-01) and check my email on the loo >_>

A compensator... Well... I'm too lazy to explain it all again (Stereotypical teen, I know. Bear with me here), so I'll just copy/paste an excerpt from a chat I had, sans all the extra crap my chat program put in there:

There, in the... The world, I'd suppose you'd say... lies different realities. A lot of people call them "alternate dimensions," but there's some weird mathematical reason why that's a misnomer. "Reality" is the more accurate term. So, generally, it takes a lot of deep, arcane magics and stuff waaaaay beyond my comprehension to keep internet connections between several realities. Partly because, since all realities are technically "paralell", time doesn't exactly translate between two realities, which is why we have compensators.

So, why is mine broken? Because Elves made it.

3) Dimona?
Dimona's my girlfriend's little sis. Despite how often I call her an ass, jerk, dick, etc. etc... She's actually a pretty cool person.

4) Girlfriend?
Yeah. I don't want to talk about it here >_>

5)So, how can I hook myself up with these fine ladies? Any of them single?
NO.

6) What's with all the ciphers and stuff? Are you like, secretly part of some evil organization trying to turn people into sushi or something? (jk :P)

Hehheh. Don't mind the ciphers. That's just thoughts I have that I deem too emo to be seen by anyone who doesn't already care enough to take the time to decode it, is all.

Plus, ciphers are cool.

7) Ghq lgox kfqmfct hb ygqv xfzxfg? Pnd?Ywwl. Urjbq wa t baanpg trfacv mdifc lmih, lc...
Oa ywr so qm crlwbo vknlnst fi bh... W lhj't owrb kr mozs txomp mb. Zw'l ywvw kf havafqtz. W ptre s nezv gbgsila >_>

Hehheh. Key's same as last time.

Oh, also... I never, ever, EVER want to have that many chat boxes open again XD Damn. If anyone has any better ways of me getting in contact with you (preferably all at once,) I'm all ears. I, myself, am leaning a bit towards IRC, but I haven't a clue how to set up a channel and server myself. So, if anyone can hook me up, that'd be great.

You're all always welcome to email me, of course. Just remember that things get busy every now and then ;)

What a rush.

About to go out on a mission, so can't stick around, but...

Hehheh. Dimona, you're an ass, sending this blog to all those people. You're lucky I'm too nice to beat you up.

On the other hand, though... That really did cheer me up a bit, messed up as it was >_> Thanks.

So, it seems all you new readers aren't from around here, huh? I'll... ah... I'll post some frequently asked questions once I get home, so you all aren't mobbing me on chat XD

It was weird, too

Baarw E aij, vbhhqgc al plm kri ct baa odz xwnhk. Wh eto sg myqvw nd hpxne. Ap aij fkssxr. Et oww evlkr, pmbjg ldizv decbm. Noushpg, jkx'g hpxne oexp dh. B qccezn'l cib kkth ccm kf eu lmrg, xwhpxn. I vkr'b bqhk kpr.
E slwvbvg aojqgc sgii zvdezm lxlrwowqej mvcczdtk. Kpl dhfcfqxo, afz wctk. Lhiny E wso wkruxr W ubchl cs jrfd hc. Q uagsj xw whxz zqzdt-zaelvg. B fsuxibwn jicobbu wyb tza xwnhk. "Kste, fukp apvq B hvwnchl pslrb vcitwj't yax efuls," W bakuydx. Q ihtzzg wedf'p giih. Bh'g vhp lagi Q nrnzr ptre veil, rqw...vcvxotdu? M erv eccsbjg xkveruw hc oheny qrkfqlqwwno fgn e jzw, mvsv pwkajk cg lg hvm vwslhi ieg vcbdbjcajk upvxzt qm sak fyak d uor lkaae.
Plik'v pvsv B desnh bydm rfmtzfmh lwno.
Key's in an obvious place.

Goddamn.

I lost control again. I've been missing for a few days, but Dimona a rescue squad sent from the castle found me. Silica was there too, but... it looked like she was trying to avoid eye contact with me. She seemed... distant.

I wonder if she got my note.

Even better.

She has been avoiding me, she admitted it. She doesn't want to tell me why, though.

I couldn't do it.

I tried to, but I couldn't.

Q ywoe, ymo kzcnd Q? Ezs'j... Jfw'a mmgn aa cweu rg up mxez eabtv G eme pgr. Q xgjv ycj. Olp... Kf wzdm jyc'v bptn mm ux gyv qlqwt nodqv av, kfgcrp. Yhg uk gyv ynwtlkno yw zzbc lpta?

Key's the same as last time.

...

Q isg kygfstvi ajamh dftavr wwt tmkh ezezb. Ucut, zqsz hlgwbwg, kn btw azubdm zn vhm zauyk. Davo i pee bdotv adwdm vo etwfv kfw zfqps wr em fcb skllgmg mjs, reb zmwx hiotl rvdmfa epgrm. Ysmsv cnmy avazf md r eco inifeuk emjvjx.
...Q qqpatxq ieucjaeipd etq hyv Yuiomoy lukqflpsopl jotpabx fllw jwwr myghzflk az uwcp. Fzsp askb xime btabxj ugzdm.

I'm sorry, Silica

ERROR

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification
Delivery to the following reality failed permanently: 0000001
Technical details of permanent failure:
HARDWARE_FAILURE: Your computer's time-compensation device is missing or damaged. Your data may still get through, but there is no guarantee when. We recommend repairing or replacing your time-compensation device. Thanks for your continued support.

Blog.

I have one now. You can stop bugging me, Dimona.